sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can break my heart...  ¶ 11:05 PM

  sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror and practice smiling because I've forgotten what it feels like to smile... It gets harder and harder every day and I wonder how much longer I'll be able to pull it off... I constantly worry that my smile will slip and people will see through me...   ¶ 1:51 PM

  speaking of friends... It hurt that they left without saying goodbye...  ¶ 1:42 PM

  I just read a friend's live journal and it really pissed me off...

here's what she wrote:
"stupid
You know what I've noticed? I'm a damn good actor. A DAMN good one. Anyone who saw the show tonight may have noticed that I was smiling? Yeah. Well, that was completely fake. I'm just really good at smiling.
Stupid Fastbreak.
Stupid Starfire.
Stupid everything.
How was the show? Hell if I care.
I feel like someone just stabbed me with an icicle. A very sharp one. And then it grew spikes and was twisted into my heart so slowly I could feel each strand of tissue ripping into shreds as it dug deeper and deeper into my body. And I wish to God it had killed me because then I wouldnt have to deal with any of this shit.
I hope you're REAL happy, Andrew.
I know I am."

She makes it sound as though she is the only one in the world with problems...
I replied, of course... and I was a bit harsh... but she has to realize that it isn't all about just her. I have feelings too... and so does Andrew...
Andrew is just trying to be a friend to her and give her some advice (which he's tried to do before) but she just throws it back in his face. I say, criticize me all you want... I will take your comments seriously and will work my hardest to become a better person and a better person... because I CARE about my friends... I would do most anything for them and I want them to feel the same way about me.
  ¶ 1:41 PM

  I can't deal with it anymore...  ¶ 2:29 PM

  I can't deal with it anymore...  ¶ 2:29 PM

  I'm a horrible person...  ¶ 2:28 PM

  My friend gave me the title of this short story... and I must say that it is excellent.
Although it's slightly depressing, it is extremely well written and deep... that is the word that comes to mind most... deep... the amount and depth of emotion portrayed is just... whoa...

I would post it here... but, out of respect for the author, I will instead send you to her site...

http://www.harrypotterrealm.com/webmistress/deathbywater.html  ¶ 10:09 AM

  Last night I got a call I so desperately needed... A call to get me away from my problems.
Surrounded by friends and away from my family... on the way to meeting my friends, I was worried... I was still depressed, and I didn't want to rub off on anyone else. I was afraid that I would feel the same way that I did the last time I went out- empty and dislocated. But it was different this time... I was happy, if even for just a short time, and I am everthankful for my friends. They are what holds me together in the times I fell the most... apart.
I had been apart last night.... but they were there to pull me back together...
thank you~  ¶ 11:49 AM

  I'm feeling emotionally drained... I had a really long chat with my friend... she's been going through some tough times lately and I try to help...
The only problem is that the "talk" caused me to be really late getting home from choir...
Well... of course, my parents were mad about me coming home so late and they just HAD to know why I was gone for so long... grrrr... when will they figure out that I'm an adult and I don't NEED to be watched constantly? I HATE IT!!!  ¶ 10:54 PM