fallen to earth
okay... so, to tell you the truth... I might not do this anymore... write...
all of my friends have access to this... and, in the past, so many arguements and problems have come up because of journals such as this...
and I don't want this blog to be a source of worry...
I only intended this to be anonymous... but now that it's not... I've decided not to risk it....
my friends would have been ashamed of me last night... I broke down again...
I hate feeling so vulnerable...
and I did something that I shouldn't have...
I overreacted and I was stupid... and I'm sorry. I love all of my friends...
it's my first day of school at SJSU, so, of course, things must go wrong... I woke up unable to speak or breath, suffering from a horrible cold. MY mummy brought me some cold-helping pills... but they made me dizzy... and disoriented... not fun. And I can't stop coughing... and Tollie's being a pain in the ass!
Tollie is this guy that Margie knows,,, he wants to be a priest -enough said- he believes that his way is the only way to go... hypocritical and rude, he has managed to piss off most everyone I know... Including me. He told me that I needed help and, of course, he offered to help me himself... so I begin to delve into my problems... and he leaves... just like that... what an asshole...
at least my relationship with my dad has gotten slightly better... I've discovered that the only time we really get along is when we're being competetive... like yesterday when we were ping pong... but other than that, we usually ignore eachother (it's kinda sad, but I'm not complaining) ... (well, okay, maybe I am... sorta)
my sister has now said "I hate you" 4 times this week...
my mom has made some wonderful comments...
For example: she decided to read my heart the other day (hearts are yearbook-type thingies)... she saw that my friend had written "it's cuz I'm straight, isn't it?" and she came up to me with this really worried look plastered on her face and asked me "what does that mean?"... I mean, GOD! what am I supposed to say? How do you answer that? She looked like one wrong word would have sent her into a fit of sobs!
oh! and the other day my grandparents are looking at my vacation photographs... and they saw a pic of Jenn and said "oh, is she gay? she looks like she might be"... What does THAT mean?
and I just recently discovered that my grandparents (on my mom's side) don't approve of my uncles (well, my uncle and his husband...)
This sucks... I don't know what to do... I don't know what to think anymore...
Just got back from seeing Pirates of the Caribbean... AGAIN!
sorry... but I loved it... and I would just like to take the opportunity to say, It is ALL about Johnny Depp!
All about JACK, "the best pirate I've ever seen!"
Here are some Jack quotes you might remember from the movie (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) :
"I can't dock this ship all by my onesie, savvy?"
"but it's such a pretty boat"
"- Lower the anchor!
- Is she daft?
- Daft, like Jack... Lower the anchor!"
" W- You cheated
J- uh... PIRATE."
"- Jack waded out into the waves and stayed for three days and three nights... until all manner of sea creature came upon him. So, on that fourth day, Jack gathered a mass of sea turtles and tied them together, and used them as a raft.
- So, he rode into tortuga on sea turtles?
- Aye, that he did.
- And what did he use for rope?
*pause... looks up and sees Jack peering at them*
- (Jack) Human hair... from my back."
"But, why is the rum gone?"
I don't know what it is... but I have this feeling. I feel like I'm being used... I seem to be in the middle of everyone else's problems with no way out... trapped and used. Maybe I'm just overreacting to the whole situation, but I can't help but feel this way. Sorry.... just had to get it out there.
Oh and Andrew... thanx so much for talking to me yesterday... I felt so much better afterwards, you have no idea...
I still don't know what to do about my parents tho...
